C.S Lewis has been a long standing favorite of mine. However, I have only really read excerpts of his works, apart from The Chronicles of Narnia. I love his history and his approach to writing. I love his intersections of religion and science and life. Despite only reading excerpts, I have collected a small portion of his books. They’ve been gathering dust until recently.
I have my suspicions on what led me to read this at this specific time. The timing of this read has me writing a review on the three year anniversary of my best friend’s passing. Her memory is sprinkled in a little bit of everything I do. Seems rightfully so I remember her today in this review.
For those unfamiliar, A Grief Observed is Lewis’s highly personal dealings with his own grief following the death of his wife. Many things connect us all together. Grief happens to be one connection many of us will hold. Through reading A Grief Observed, I was able to set in this connection. Through writing, I hope to reach more with it.
Lewis shares a collection of his journals in A Grief Observed. There isn’t much to review in the typical sense, as when you read someone’s journal you can expect it to be highly personal. Through his writings you see him debate and wrestle with his view of God. You read as he processes his fear through his grief. Along with both of these, you watch Lewis come to terms with his life after loss.
Lewis was a Godly man and his wrestling with his views of God may sound like doubt to many. However, I would argue that wrestling is what paves way for understanding. In Lewis’s wrestling and struggle he seeks understanding. Lewis paints a picture of a rope being an image of one’s trust in God. He explains how easy it is to trust this rope when one is simply using it to tie a box shut. But we test this trust when suddenly we rely on this rope to hold us up over a canyon. The wrestling is simply Lewis falling while he clings to his rope.
I’ve always thought the unique thing about grief is we all experience it in a different way. However, reading through Lewis’s writing, I found we asked the same questions. We sought the same understanding. While our grief stemmed from different losses, the similarities were comforting. It took a lonely experience and gave me a sense of understanding.
Our fears lined up. The fear of our memory altering for our benefit being the most apparent. Lewis questions that over time our composition of our loss will be filled with our own assertions. The person we miss the most becomes composed of the memories we made to fill in the gaps of the person who no longer stands before us. In the end, Lewis ascertains a demand for a restful sleep is met by a restless night. Similarly, when we stop rushing to remember all the small details, they seem to appear gradually and clearly. As he says, “You can’t see anything properly when your eyes are blurred with tears.”
I don’t think you ever really come to terms with loss, and I don’t think Lewis did either. I think we grow to accept your new normal but a part of you always aches and wonders what life would be like without the loss. Lewis writes a lot of comparisons on what grief and loss are and his process through them. Likely the most famous being the opening, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” I think my own personal favorite is an addition to this, which plays into the life after loss.
Lewis says, “And grief still feels like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hanging about waiting for something to happen.” I think this describes life after loss. It’s a sense of moving forward while simultaneously being stuck in a sense of waiting. Waiting for that person to say something, to walk in, to call. We come to terms with waiting while moving forward.
Truthfully, I don’t think someone reads this book just once. I think it’s impossible to pull out everything with just one read. Each read will lead to different conclusions, different discoveries, and likely different questions. Therefore, it’s difficult to review. I don’t think it falls into the number rating scale we’ve made here. However I will rate it this time around knowing it will change the next.
8/10, painful and revealing
I think this book is suitable for everyone. If you’ve lost someone, you will find something to resonate with. If you know someone who has lost someone, you will find a way to understand. The biggest strength we have as humans is the ability to connect and this book offers that connection. Maybe you won’t connect with Lewis, but I hope his words lead to you connecting with a loved one in your own life.
As always, happy (and thoughtful) reading.